When Plans Change: Helping Our Kids Navigate Transitions

Hey y’all! Welcome back to Holy Ground Parenting.

In this episode, we’re talking about something that comes up often in the day-to-day life of special needs parenting—transitions.

From leaving places our kids love to navigating unexpected changes in routine, even small shifts can feel really big for children on the spectrum. Our anchor scripture this week comes from Proverbs 16:9.

We also reflect on Holy Week and the powerful reminder of how quickly things can shift—from celebration on Palm Sunday to the cross on Friday—and what that teaches us about trusting God in the middle of change.

If your child struggles with transitions, or if you’re walking through a season of change yourself, I hope this episode encourages you to trust that God is present in every step—even the unexpected ones.

As always, you are not alone in this journey.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hey y'all. Welcome back to Holy Ground Parenting. I'm your host, Marie Kennedy, and I'm so glad that you're here. We took a week off, and man, what a week to take off because it's been a crazy one. Um, we went out of town for my birthday. I turned 40. And so my husband and I, Steven and I, we went out of town for the weekend. Uh, and the kids stayed with uh family and they did great. And we're so thankful that we have family that take care of them and love them just like we do. And uh so we're so thankful for that. But we took the week off uh because we were out of town, and then also I got sick last week. All the pollen in Mississippi, and I guess just changing from going to the coast back to central Mississippi. Um, the air change, I don't know, but I just I got a cold, I got a just a sinus junk all week. And so today's actually one of the first days that I've felt like myself again. So sorry if my voice goes out. I had like zero voice uh for a lot of last week. So if there was ever a week to take off, last week was it. I guess that I guess that was God just telling me to rest and slow down uh and take some time to get my voice back. So, but I'm I'm back and glad to get back into it and talk to you guys again and talk to you about what we're gonna talk about today, which is when plans change, because I wasn't planning originally to take a week off. Um, when I started doing this podcast, I was like, I'm gonna do this every week and this is gonna be so great, you know. And so then, you know, we're six episodes in, and then I'm like, okay, I'm gonna take a week off. So uh, but today I want to talk about something that comes up a lot in our daily lives as special needs parents, and that's change. More specifically, I want to talk about transitions, the small ones, the everyday ones, and the ones that don't always feel small in the moment. If you're raising a child on the spectrum, you probably already know this, but transitions can be really hard. Maybe leaving a birthday party or walking out of church or wrapping up a play date that's going really well. What feels like a simple moment to most people can be really overwhelming for our kids. For Evie, transitions, especially when something is ending, can be really hard. She is very rigid in her routine. And so when her routine changes, or whenever she has to transition from something that she's enjoying, shifting from one activity to another, um, even when we try to prepare her, those moments can still bring a lot of really big emotions. Um, some, you know, tantrum behavior, crying and throwing things. And if I'm being honest, there have been times where I've thought, why is this so hard? Like the song ended, you know, or or the party ended, or it's time to go. Uh, there's times where I felt frustrated or overwhelmed or just really tired of managing those moments. And I think as parents, we can sometimes feel pressure in those situations too, like societal pressure, or just maybe pressure on expectations that we put on ourselves, pressure to keep things moving or to avoid a meltdown. We we want to look like we have everything under control when we very clearly don't. And the reality is transitions are hard for a lot of kids. And uh a lot of kids with special needs have problems with transitions, but that doesn't mean that we're doing anything wrong. Over time, we've tried to implement a few different things to help Evie with her transitions. So we'll do some things like maybe giving her a heads up before something ends. Like, hey, we've got five more minutes and then we're leaving. Or we'll use simple countdowns, like, okay, we're gonna go get we're gonna get out of the truck in five, four, three, two, one to try to prepare her. Acknowledging how she feels is another thing that we've done. We've especially lately over the past year or so, we've said things like, I understand that you're mad. I know it's hard to leave when you're having fun, but we have to leave. You know, that's these are our options. We can leave right now and we'll have enough time to get a popsicle on our way out. Or we can leave in two minutes and no popsicle, you know. So we've just tried to do different strategies, and sometimes they work and it's great. And we're like, yeah, this is awesome. And sometimes they don't work, and there's still a meltdown, they're still crying, they're still, you know, fit throwing. Uh, and and so I mean, I've I feel like that's every single kid, whether they're on the spectrum or not. I mean, you're gonna have good days and you're gonna have bad days. And honestly, sometimes the only thing that you can do is just stay calm yourself. That's that's me talking to me right there. Uh, sometimes the only thing I can do is just trying to stay calm myself, even when it's tough. I don't like change either. I'm I like things to be what I expect they're gonna be like and and go the way I think that they're gonna go. Uh just like anybody else. I mean, I'm I I also like my routine. So I I understand how whenever things change or whenever we have to transition, I understand how that can be overwhelming for her. So there's the little changes, there's things that I think, oh, you know, that's going to be no big deal, that turns into a huge deal. But something that really surprised me is that while some small transitions can be really hard for Evie, she's also handled one of the biggest changes in our family incredibly well. And that was when her baby brother Jack was born. I just remember, well, first of all, that day I was just terrified because if you know anything about her story, you know, you know, her birth story was pretty dramatic. And so I was really nervous going into that day uh that about how things would go. But I remember whenever she first met him, she had like this mix of excitement and curiosity, and she was also just her joyful outgoing self. I mean, Evie, she loves attention, she loves to be the center of attention, and she wanted to be involved, and she really stepped into being a big sister in a way that I didn't fully expect. And that moment reminded me of something really important. Sometimes the things that we think are going to be the hardest aren't. And sometimes the smallest changes are the ones that feel the biggest to our kids. So it's it's not necessarily how big the change is, it's their perception of it and what they see as a big deal is a big deal to them. Our scripture today comes from Proverbs, and this is a scripture that I've kind of come back to over the years, and it's meant different things to me based on that time that I've read it. And it's Proverbs 16, 9, and it says, in their hearts, humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. So whenever I was first reading this scripture, or one of the one of the first times I remember really applying this scripture to my life was when I, before I met Steven, and I was in the dating world, and I just, you know, would be dating somebody and thinking, okay, like this is our plan. This, you know, I'm dating this person, it's going really well. And I, you know, I really like him, and I can just totally see us like dating for a little while and then getting married. Well, then, you know, that wouldn't work out. And I remember reading this scripture and thinking, okay, I need to just stop with my trying to control everything and making my own plans because the Lord's gonna establish, you know, we make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps. And so then later on reading the scripture again while we were going through infertility, I remember thinking, okay, I've been trying to control this infertility journey and what happens throughout this journey and the outcomes of it. But it's not in my control. I don't have control over this. And reading this scripture again just kind of brought that back around to me like, hey, you can try to control it all you want to, but the Lord is in control. Jesus is in control. And then now again, you know, like through everything that we've been through, just coming back to this scripture again, in their hearts, humans plan their course. And that's just our natural, that's just our natural inclination to do that. We just we make plans. I mean, I know me, I'm a planner. I'm I like I plan everything. And I'm probably not ever going to not be that way. Um, it's just my natural the way that I am, it's the way God made me. And and I can plan all I want to, but I know that ultimately God is in control and he establishes my steps. And I think that's true not just for us, but also for our children too. You know, like I said, we try to create routines, we we try to plan things out, and we try to prepare our kids as best as we can, but ultimately God is guiding their steps, even in the transitions and even in the unexpected. He, it's not unexpected to him. Something else that has also been on my mind and on my heart this week as I've been thinking about change and transitions, is how quickly things can shift. Right now we're going through Holy Week, and it's such a powerful reminder of that. Yesterday was Palm Sunday, and Jesus was welcomed by crowds. People were celebrating him, praising him, laying down palm branches, you know, shouting, Hosanna, save me, you know. And and just a few days later, those same crowds were shouting, crucify him. That kind of shift is just hard to wrap our minds around. But at the same thing, at the same time, I I'm trying to apply it to my own life. And like, how many times have I gone in prayer from God, please help me, save me? Help us, you know, help us. How many times have I gone from that to God, why aren't you doing this for me? You know, uh how many times have I gone from pleading with God and begging God for help to anger that it wasn't going the way that I thought that it should go? From celebration to Jesus showing up on Palm Sunday to rejection, from joy to suffering. And I understand our day-to-day transitions and my my daily prayers to God don't look like that and they're not that extreme. But I think it it reminds us it reminds me of something important. Life can change quickly, emotions can shift quickly and situations can feel uh unpredictable. And for our kids, especially our kids that are on the spectrum, those kinds of shifts can feel really overwhelming. What feels steady one moment can feel completely different the next. And like I said, honestly, as parents, we feel that too sometimes. And it's also another reminder not to let my emotions rule my actions. I may feel like God is not handling something in the way that I think he should handle it, or in the timeline that fits my expectations, but it it's not up to me. God is still determining my steps. And what I love is that even in the middle of all of that, God is still at work. Nothing about the week that led up from Palm Sunday until Jesus being crucified, nothing about that week caught him off guard. He knew everything that was gonna happen. He knew it was it was you know, in his control the whole time. And I think that's something that we can hold on to in our own lives too. Even when things shift, even when transitions feel hard, even when we don't know how our child is gonna respond to something, God does. God is already there. And that's also something that I've been holding on to in this uh new season because our family is about to walk through a really big change. Just a a few days ago, we got matched with Evie's autism assistant service dog, Pearl. And in just a few weeks, we'll be heading to Ohio to the service dog uh placement uh class training to go through all the training to be able to bring Pearl home. And if I'm being honest, there is a mix of excitement and anxiousness that I'm feeling about all of this. It's been a long process. It's been almost three years since we started this service dog journey. I started it almost immediately after we got Evie's diagnosis because, like I said, I went into this like research like tunnel where I just did all this different research for things that we could do to help her and started the service dog fundraising journey at that time. And so this it's been almost three years, and so now I'm excited because now we're kind of it's it's finally like coming to fruition. We're finally getting to the end of this crazy long journey uh to to get this to help her. But also I know that this is gonna be a huge adjustment and change for Evie and for our family. A good change, a hopeful change, but still a change. So I I'm very nervous about this, about how it's gonna go, how she's gonna respond. And if there's one thing that I'm learning, it's this. We we can't always predict how our kids will respond to change, but we can trust that God is already there in the middle of it. So I I don't know how Evie's gonna do with Pearl. She's really excited. I I've tried to make the match day and and everything about the service dog journey fun for her because I want her to look at it in a positive light. I mean, it is a positive thing, but I I I want her to look at this as, you know, she's gaining a best friend and uh a bestie is what she calls her. So I'm I'm looking at this in with hope and knowing that God is there, even though I don't know how it's gonna go down. I don't know how she's gonna react to Pearl, I don't know how she's gonna do traveling to Ohio and going through the service dog class. It's uh, you know, almost a two-week class, and you know, that's gonna be a big change to her routine and everything, and we're gonna be, you know, not at her normal space because we're going to Ohio, and so we're obviously not gonna be home, and so she's not gonna be like in her bed, in her space, and so there's a lot of unknowns and and I'm nervous. And the the human, the flesh side of me is nervous, but my heart and my soul know that it's gonna be okay because God's there, he knows how it's gonna how it's gonna happen, he knows how she's gonna react. So if your child struggles with transitions, if leaving places is hard, if routines getting disrupted feels overwhelming, you're not alone. And it doesn't mean that your child isn't growing. But sometimes growth is happening in ways we can't immediately see. I'd love to hear from you. But what transitions are hardest for your child? You can share it in our holy ground parenting Facebook group if you feel like you want to. If not, you can send it to me in a direct message. I read every story that gets sent to me, and it means so much to hear from all of you. Transitions can be hard, but there are also places where growth and trust are being built, both in our children and in us. So let's go to the Lord in prayer and talk about it. Father God, we come to you today as parents who are walking through a season of change. Some small, some big, and some that feel overwhelming. Lord, you see our children so clearly you understand the way their minds work, the way they process the world, and the way that change can feel so heavy for them at times. And you see us too, trying to prepare them to guide them and stay steady in moments that don't always feel easy. God, in the middle of transitions, help us to be patient when plans change, help us to be flexible, when emotions run high, help us to stay calm and anchored in you. Remind us that even when things feel uncertain. Certain that nothing is unknown to you. Thank you for the ways our children grow even in those hard moments. Thank you for the ways you gently guide their steps even when we can't see the full picture yet. And Lord, as our family prepares to welcome Pearl, we thank you for this gift. We thank you for the support, the companionship, and the help that she's going to bring into Evie's life. Go before us in this transition. Prepare Evie's heart. Give us wisdom as parents. And let this new season be filled with peace, growth, and your presence. We trust you with every change, big and small. In Jesus' holy and precious name we pray. Amen. Well, thank you guys for coming back and being with me through this break and being patient. Uh I really appreciate you guys coming back every week and hanging out with me. And I cannot tell you how much doing this has meant to me. It's been, it's been so healing, I think, for me. And I've loved getting to know new people and and hearing new stories and and just kind of knowing that I'm not alone out there. And so thanks. I really appreciate it. Like I said, if you want to share how you guys deal with transitions, if you guys have any good tips or tricks or um strategies that you've used to help your kids uh deal with transitioning from activities or leaving places or anything like that, please feel free to share it in our holy ground parenting Facebook group and leave us a review on whatever app you're listening on. Like I said in the past episodes, uh you never know, you know, who it could help reach. Um tell your friends if you have friends that are also looking for a resource for special needs parenting or just some encouragement, please share this podcast. I I I'm not trying to get anything out of this other than just, I just want to help. I just want to bring a community to together and maybe offer some encouragement because I know that there's been times throughout this journey that I've needed it as well. And so I just want to be a light for other parents out there. So I hope you guys, I'm gonna be praying that everybody has a great holy week and a great Easter weekend. And um, we'll see you next time. And bye bye, goodbye, goodbye.